Humor

Economic Models explained with Cow

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AN AMERICAN CAPITALISM: You have two cows. You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows. Later, you hire a consultant to analyze why the cow has dropped dead.

SOCIALISM: You have 2 cows. You give one to your neighbor.

COMMUNISM: You have 2 cows. The State takes both and gives you some milk.

FASCISM: You have 2 cows. The State takes both and sells you some milk.

NAZISM: You have 2 cows. The State takes both and shoots you.

BUREAUCRATISM: You have 2 cows. The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other, and then throws the milk away…

TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM: You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull. Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the income.

ENRON VENTURE CAPITALISM

You have two cows. You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows. The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island Company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company. The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more. You sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States, leaving you with nine cows. No balance sheet provided with the release. The public then buys your bull.

THE ANDERSEN MODEL CAPITALISM

You have two cows. You shred them.

A FRENCH CAPITALISM

You have two cows. You go on strike, organize a riot, and block the roads, because you want three cows.

JAPANESE CAPITALISM

You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. You then create a clever cow cartoon image called ‘Cowkimon’ and market it worldwide.

A GERMAN CAPITALISM

You have two cows. You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.

AN ITALIAN CAPITALISM

You have two cows, but you don’t know where they are. You decide to have Lunch.

A RUSSIAN CAPITALISM

You have two cows. You count them and learn you have five cows. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count them again and learn you have 2 cows. You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.

A SWISS CAPITALISM

You have 5000 cows. None of them belong to you. You charge the owners for storing them.

CHINESE CAPITALISM

You have two cows. You have 300 people milking them. You claim that you have full employment, and high bovine productivity. You arrest the newsman who reported the real situation.

AN INDIAN SYSTEM

You have two cows. You worship them.

A BRITISH SYSTEM

You have two cows. Both are mad.

AN IRAQI CAPITALISM

Everyone thinks you have lots of cows. You tell them that you have none. No-one believes you, so they bomb the shit out of you and invade your country. You still have no cows, but at least now you are part of a Democracy… .

A NEW ZEALAND CAPITALISM

You have two cows. The one on the left looks very attractive.

AN AUSTRALIAN CAPITALISM

You have two cows. Business seems pretty good. You close the office and go for a few beers to celebrate.

A PAKISTANI SYSTEM

You have two cows. The next day you have a qorma / Nihari party of both cows.

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Posted by Saleem Soomro, at SANA list.

8 thoughts on “Economic Models explained with Cow”

  1. A NEW ZEALAND CAPITALISM
    You have two cows. You dress them both up as sheep now both of them look attractive.

    Reply

  2. I loved the Iraqi and the Enron one.
    I am a vegetarian so I am forced not to like the Pakistani one. The indian one is funny. It reminded me of the time when Uma Bharati wanted to import all the ‘Mad Cow disease’ infested cows because the Britishers were slaughtering them.

    Reply
  4. Pingback: Hilllllarious!!!!! « Cassandra

  6. yes the Enron one takes the cake…Hilarious

    “A kind of transaction in which A plunders from B the goods of C, and for compensation B picks the pocket of D of money belonging to E”-that’s commerce.

    Reply
  8. Pingback: HOLY COW! « A Twist of Word and Mind

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