Smokers’ Corner: Heady in Houston

By: Nadeem F. Paracha

Last week, one of the most popular and handsome Pakistani politician, Ya Sheikh Rashid (sometimes also called the Clint Eastwood of Pakistan), was detained for over five hours at the Houston Airport in the United States of America.

Reports say that Rashid was held by the US authorities due to a tip-off they had received from a memo written by US-citizen-Pakistani-patriot-Blackberry-spokesperson-Honourable-Muslim-moustache-holder, Mansur Jihad, in which he had claimed that Ya Sheikh had arrived in the US on the instructions of the radical Difa-e-Popsicle Council (DPC).

While interrogating Ya Sheikh in a secretly located cigar lounge at the otherwise no-smoking airport, US authorities, after marvelling at Ya Sheikh’s collection of Cuban cigars, confiscated them, leaving Ya Sheikh in great agony and cold sweat.

Ya Sheikh is said to have told the authorities that their actions were against the Geneva Convention and that he will drag them all to the International Court of Justice at The Hague for this outrage.

Following his threat, he is reported to have added: ‘Dekhiieennnn … (seeeee …), I am true Pakistani patriot so give me back my Cuban cigars.’

When one of his interrogators asked him why, if he was such a patriot, he was smoking Cuban cigars instead of Pakistani ones, Ya Sheikh said: ‘Daikhiieeenn … Cubans are brotherly nation of motherly Pakistan. We have historical links with Cuba. Our fatherly ancestors traded on grandfatherly camels with sisterly Cubans during golden age of our faith. Cuba is most beautiful nation of central Asia.’

The interrogator was taken aback: ‘Central America, you mean?’

‘No, Central Asia,’ Sheikh is said to have corrected the interrogator. ‘You Americans are so ignorant. Cuba is located between Kirghizstan and Azerbaijan, bhai jaan.’

Believing Ya Sheikh who was now seriously suffering from cigar withdrawal, another interrogator went in for the kill. Insiders report the following interaction between the two:

‘Mr. Sheikh, what is your relationship with Difa-e-Popsicle Council?’

‘Daikhiieeeenn … the Difa is internal matter of Bakistan.’

‘Of Pakistan, you mean?’

‘No, Bakistan. We Pakistanis can’t pronounce P.’

‘But you just did. You said, Pakistanis.’

‘No, Bakistanis.’

‘I thought only Arabs couldn’t pronounce P.’

‘That’s true. Thus, we Pakistanis can’t pronounce it either.’

‘But you just did, again!’

‘Diakhiieeennn… you are wasting my time. I am here on invitation of Bresident Push.’

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